We continued our conversation on forgiveness last night by asking the question "What if someone doesn't ask for forgiveness?". After all, we kind of got the feeling last week that the people that God was telling us to forgive 77 times or 490 times were apologizing. But what if they don't? Should we forgive them? I started by polling the kids and seeing what they thought. 80% said they should forgive no matter what. But the other 20% disagreed. And, just to be honest with them, I told them that I wasn't completely sure myself. That's why we ask questions and look at scriptures in Surge, rather than just listening to some guy's opinion.
That being said, we jumped right in and turned to Matthew 6:14-15. Jesus is giving some pretty solid instruction on prayer. He had just given a model prayer that outlines the "how" we should pray and follows it up with the command to forgive one another. But not just because he says so. Rather, he tells us to forgive so that God will forgive us. So we are to forgive others so that God will forgive us. And just in case that isn't clear enough, he follows that up by warning that if we don't forgive people, then God won't forgive us. Interestingly enough, no conditions surround the command to forgive. It doesn't say to forgive those who apologize or show remorse. It says to forgive others when they sin against you. Period.
Ok... but that's just one verse. Surely Jesus has more to say. So we flipped to Luke 6:27-31. Here we see some crazy instructions that fly in the face of reason. Jesus says love our enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those that curse you and pray for those who treat you bad. Seriously? And if that wasn't enough, he gives practical examples of how to respond to someone mistreating you or stealing from you. And he ends it with the golden rule of treating others the way we want to be treated. I stopped and asked the kids if they had ever had someone do something bad to them and not apologize. They all eagerly raised their hands. I asked if any of them had done something bad to someone else and not said they were sorry. They all raised their hands again, but with a little less excitement. Yet, we all expect to be forgiven when we do the bad thing. When we treat others the way we want to be treated, it means that we extend the same grace that we want.
I talked about how ridiculous that must have sounded to the people Jesus was talking to. You know, just as ridiculous as it sounds to us. What makes it hard to hear is that it doesn't line up with our sense of justice. It isn't right to bless those that curse you or pray for that treat you bad. If someone steals our coat, we report them to the authorities. We don't start pealing off additional layers to give them. And I'm sure the religious leaders balked in much the same way. But Jesus was on to something that goes beyond rights, possession and even justice.
Lastly, we looked at Ephesians 4:31-32. Here Paul commands the church in Ephesus to get rid of their feelings of anger and rage toward one another. He tells them to the be kind and tender to one another. He instructs them to forgive, just as God has forgiven them because of what Jesus had done for them. Again, no conditional response based on remorse or repentance. Just a command to forgive. So, no matter what someone does, you always forgive even if they don't say they are sorry?
Yes.
However, we also have a model relationship with our Creator through His son. That relationship exists because of grace by faith. And salvation comes, in part, by asking for forgiveness for our sins. So I asked the kids a hard question. After we've been justified and our sins are no longer held against us, why do we continue to ask for forgiveness for the sins that we commit? They thought for a long time but no one had an answer. It's an important question and one that we too often overlook the importance of. Why do we continue to tell God we're sorry once we have been forgiven of all of our sins? I'll spare you the route we took to get there, but the end result (that they came to) was that it is all about maintaining our relationship. We ask for forgiveness to keep the relationship right. God forgives us because of what Jesus did, but in our relationship with Him, we still need to say we're sorry.
So, do we forgive people that don't apologize? Absolutely! Every time! But, we also understand that apologies are what help maintain relationships and lack of them can destroy one. And while that is important to understand from the one who has been sinned against, it is even more important to grasp as one who sins. Jesus said the greatest command was to love. Relationships are the most important thing. Love is how we build relationships but forgiveness is how we maintain them. So when we mess up, we need to apologize. And when someone doesn't apologize to us, we forgive them and extend grace to them. But also with the understanding that it affects the relationship. Why do we do it? Not because it is easy. Not because it is fair. But because God forgave us first and promises to continue to forgive us if we do.
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