Last night we kicked off the first lesson of the last series for Surge this year. It was bittersweet! And we saved the best... and possibly hardest lessons for last. For the next four weeks we're going to be all about forgiveness. What better way to come off of Easter and the ultimate act of forgiveness to discuss the topic that so many people struggle with. So, last night was all about how many times we have to forgive someone. I started by asking the kids what they thought. They mentioned that it depends on what they do to us and who it is. After all, stepping on my toe and burning down my house are two entirely different things. And if you're my best-friend, you're probably going to be forgiven differently than my worst enemy. But, in general, they said something around 2 or 3 times, with a couple other random numbers. And that's pretty fair for what we experience in our world, right? Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Three strikes and you're out. But is that what we should show people? And better yet, is that what we expect shown to us?
So, to kick things off, we see the Apostle Peter asking pretty much the same question in Matthew 18:21. But, instead of 2 or 3 times, the disciple suggests even up to 7 times. I'm sure he felt very generous with that amount. Surely that would be plenty. But Jesus' response, depending on the translation you use, says 77 or 70 times 7. And then, just to drive his point home, Jesus breaks out into story. His story of the servant without mercy puts it all into perspective. Those who have been forgiven a great debt should forgive the same way. So whether you read 77 or 490, the reality is the same... God wants us to forgive a bunch.
So, there isn't a formula for how many times, but do we always have to forgive? We flipped over to Luke 17 and we see a little more explanation. Jesus says that we should tell people when they sin and if they repent, or turn away, to forgive them. And if they do it seven times on one day? Forgive them seven times. To put some perspective to this, I suggested that if I came up to them and punched them in the face and then said I was sorry, and then did it 6 more times, would they really want to forgive me? Of course not, which is why this is such a hard thing. Memory and self-preservation make it hard. We don't like being hurt, made fun of, embarrassed or betrayed. But I pointed out that Jesus didn't say we have to be their best friend - we just simple have to forgive them. If someone punches you in the face every time you see them, extending forgiveness is commanded, but no one says you have to stand around and wait for it.
Another key thing I mentioned at this point is that forgiving someone doesn't mean not holding them accountable and punishing them when they mess up. If someone kills a member of your family, you can forgive them but also they still need to go to prison. If your friend lies to you, you can forgive them, but it doesn't mean you have to be their friend. There are consequences for sin, but we're still to forgive those sins when people commit them.
Lastly, we looked at Colossians 3:13. This verse is killer when it comes to how we respond to forgiveness. First, it tells us to put up with each other. It doesn't say like everyone. It doesn't say hold hands and sing songs and wear a smile all day. It says put up with each other. That means that you aren't going to always like them and they won't always like you, but out of love, deal with it. Then it says to forgive the things you are holding on to. But not just forgive them, forgive them the same way God forgave you. Ouch! That is as simple of a command as you can give. No need for math. No need for tally marks or a score sheet. Simply forgive the same way God forgave you.
I asked the kids if they like being forgiven. I asked them if they expect to be forgiven. I asked for a practical example of their day-to-day life about how this works. I got great replies, but one took the cake. She said she expected her parents to forgive her when she messes up, and they always do, even if she has to get punished. But, she says when they break a promise to her, like not taking her somewhere or doing something for her, she has a hard time forgiving them. I asked the kids if they could relate and it was a unanimous yes. We love the part where we get forgiven. We love that Jesus died for our sins and that God forgives us. So why is it that we have a hard time giving what we enjoy getting so much?
I wish I could tell you that this is an easy lesson for me to teach because I've mastered it. But, as I told them, the point of discipleship, especially at their age, is so that they can figure these things out at 10 or 11 and be further down the road than their parents and teachers by the time they are our age. And it might just take them all of that time to develop the habit of showing that kind of forgiveness. But there is no question of how much grace we should extend or how much forgiveness we should give. It's only as much as God has shown us.
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